Me

Staying in homeland after 3 legs, and continuing the journey in January. I guess it is better to leave with a peaceful heart, knowing that you have done what others expect you to do. I am almost done, thats the lie I have been telling myself for the past few months. In any case, no one really understands what I am going through right now. I wish I was carefree, drinking coffee somewhere on NY 5th street reading the papers. 3 years ago that was me, drinking starbucks as if it was plain water.

Time to focus on what is expected of me. I am not going to work all hours until I drop dead because to me, that is utterly stupid. There are many things in my life that I have yet to see to, many promises that I have yet to fulfill, many people whom I have yet to lend my helping hand to. I am falling behind my schedule this year but I am not disappointed.

I have nothing to my name but a sincere heart.

I am not rich, neither do I want fame.

I just want a simple life, but this wish just came too late.

It's been so long

梦想再大 你还是看不见我
爱的再深 你还是爱自己多

At this moment

好想好想...

October

A different October this year.

Embarking on a South-East Asia 'Tour' pretty soon after reservist.
First stop: Singapore -> Dhaka -> Yangon -> Hangzhou ->India???
Hopefully I can blog while I am in the hotel,or I will just be too engrossed in my emails again.
Dhaka hotel room with no windows! How 'unique' to me! LOL, I think I should be able to pull through and of course looking forward to PRC.

Dance performance tomorrow before heading back to LCK. *nervous*

Having a headache planning for November...so many constraints, so many thoughts that I can't seem to get rid of. So many worries.....


I wish I could go....I really do.......because I know I may not have a chance to go there anymore.

August

12 days to CJ Concert! *Excited, nervous, stage-fright*

3 stage items! 2 with meiy :) We are back on stage after 21 months hahaha!

Seems only one item that I am really not confident in and I keep on forgetting steps.

And the flashmob is srsly another headache =( 

Outfits!! Grrr...I bought 2 white COLOURFUL design shirts that Yuzhen doesnt like. 

I look very dark with that black jacket on. Need find an orange shirt soon. 

Rehearsals are getting more and more fun and i got to expand my dance clique! 

Great, it takes my mind off other stuff.

How I wish that everyday I am so packed to the brim that when I go home, I hit my bed immediately and the cycle continues the next day. So robotic! But that's what I am =)

Spent 31 July with Sling. Very Atas! Spent like $128 for 6 courses at Paco Caffe, behind the Tanjong Pagar Railway. Decided to head somewhere special this time round, and of course also to celebrate her bday since I have no time to think of a present to get for her. Nah, I am not blaming it on dance. I am still having poor time management. Had a long talk and I am glad that she really understand what I am thinking. A rare confidante :) I am thankful to have met this friend and be able to keep my secrets with her. Even if one day I move on, I am very confident that everything will be kept intact.

These 2 weeks though I don't show it, I am having such a hard time! Work can never do that to me.

I just find it a bit tough to 过我自己的那一关。

I hate people who lied, and you did! 

You should just admit it earlier so I can get out of this stupid game! Yet, I choose to enter by myself.

Pure stupidity! Now I am in deep trouble.

For what I know, its best I get out of this game. 

It's true tt I am monitoring the situation, but I CAN'T HELP YOU ANYMORE! 

Not tt I don't want to, I am just feeling helpless myself and I do not want to complicate matters. 

I cannot always appear when you need me, you need to be a bit more independent.

Follow your heart, even if it hurts me, just go ahead.

I was a failure twice, doesn't matter if it happens to me for the third time. I will be fine.

I need a lot of personal time. 

Just Me, Myself & I.

Pls don't find me, I beg you.

July please pass

July sucks. Let it pass quickly.

I am struggling to get thorough every single day.
Am glad there was dance tonight, though only 8-9 came and we didnt really clean our steps, we had fun!
Well, something that keeps me away from stray thoughts. But tonight it didnt happen, in fact the situation got worst.

If you are bent on giving up, why are you still in deep thoughts and allowing yourself to fall into a state of depression? If you think things are not going to work out, accept it and move on with life. Come to think about it, I was the one who encouraged you to go ahead. My bad and I am so regretting it. I know I was never your priority (in fact i never wanted to) but I really do not wish to see you hurting yourself so much.

Seems like my every blog entry nowadays are so emo. But nobody reads so it's alright.

Should I go Auckland end of yr?? I wanna go live in rural area. I want NO STRESS!

Consolation

To console myself, I will just remind myself that I will have less unnecessary worries after I close this chapter.
=) =) =)

*can't slp*

Weekend boos

I had a terrible weekend. Yes, am complaining again =(
Sometimes I wish I didn't know so much things, I wish people do not confide in me.
Luckily KL is someone whom I can confide in. It really helps a lot! I was wondering around tampines and feels like i was going crazy buying here and there.

Another chapter has closed. Another failed attempt which makes me a total loser.
Every year I seem to close a chapter at this time.
The funny thing is I am not over it. Heart and brains are thinking so differently tt sometimes I wish they beat as one.
When will that happen? I ain't sure.
What I know is that it will not be soon when I start reading a new book.

I felt like crying but I know I shouldn't.
A person's value is not how rich he is, but the sincerity that he is offering.
Who can understand that??

Agony

In pain.....
Heartache to the max :'(
So helpless these days, don't even know how to solve those problems that I am facing.
Need a holiday so badly. Leave work. Head to somewhere far away......
No troubles, no grievance.

~Life is just a movie.

7/7

Went shopping after dance today, was at vivo for the whole evening, ended up only buying a cup of lemon barley. In short, I couldn't find what I want for my friends who are graduating this coming thurs =(

I think I have an idea, but I do need more time to prepare. Perhaps applying for half day off on one of the coming days. Can I? Don't even dare to look at the schedule for the coming dreadful week! Sometimes I wonder why I spend so much time and effort on buying/preparing gifts for people around me? Neglecting a lot of other impt things in my life. I can't answer too! It's just me ba :) Good or bad? I dunno and I don't wish to think further, just thought that I need to do what I think is correct.

Raymond and kh coming for CJ concert and bringing their other half!!! Managed to grab 4 Cat A tickets =)
It's good to have supporters. I really needed that motivation after today's rehearsal!! Somebody just save me la! Opera class so difficult, the first time I encountered such fast moves. Just like Eve said, DON'T THINK, JUST MOVE!

Very true....
My heart is tired, tired worrying for others who don't even realize that I am worrying for them.....

希望

这个世界好人不一定有好报，坏人也未必有恶果，
但是人始终信命，常有人说，不要靠天，要靠自己，这样才会有希望，
但如果这个希望是假的，那么找个所谓的希望，倒不如从来没有出现过，那便不会有失望。

1st week July

Today feels like Tue to me.
2nd day back to work and me struggling to clear my emails and monitor the deadlines closely.

Was appointed as the Liaison officer for WCS since last friday. Hosted the vice-mayor of Uzbekistan (seriously I don't even know where that was initially) It was a good experience and it turned out to be an easy job for me since the embassy had some programs already planned for them and I have a reason to be absent. Anyway, its like the minister meeting so my low-rank status probably couldn't fit in. The only thing about this principal of mine: He freaking loves transport planning! Fated to meet him man! We can't actually communicate without an interpreter but he is a humble and straightforward guy. We can shake each others' hand for 5-6 times a day. It is his way to show his appreciation i know :) On his last day, I gave him one of my SBS transit train models as a souvenir. Hope he can come back for a second visit and perhaps by that time, I could have learnt a lil' to have a proper conversation with him.

Friday night and I am back home. Intending to work on situational report but I doubt I have that motivation to actually compile everything today, given the fact that I am here blogging. A lot of things undone seriously! Its hard to cope with something you never learnt before. I was at SIWW expo a few days ago and realized that my knowledge of ww treatment has slowly declined. Sad. Anyway, met Ms Tang finally and will try to catch up with her some other time.

Dance rehearsals upcoming, burning all weekends! I feel like dropping an item.
Its probably just Suju all the way, Suju + sexy or don't even go on stage.
Unlikely the last one, since we have a big Suju group and some very good dancers to learn from.
18.8.2012!

2nd day no tweeting. Wait, I tweeted in french that I am having a high fever at 5am. Shucksss...
Burning burning. Haix.
But do I really need the attention? Nope!
关心得太多，反而会伤害自己

Surprisingly my picture appeared in Good Sky Friday email today!
Its about the work that our CSR team has done for Awards Night 2012 which happened in May.
Using our work to showcase "We Care" and "We Can Do"!
I guess we really want that SQA title right? CEO is so uptight abt it, stressed =(

I just realized I have 4 off days and 7 days of leave to clear!
Where to go on holiday??
Do I have the time?
Will I be able to put down my work for a week?
If you know me well, you know the answer.

"And you held it all but you were careless, to let it fall. 
You held it all and I was by your side, powerless."

Two-sided mind

I am a listener, not a good problem solver. Don't expect much from me! Till now I am still lost..... You are just too well-pampered. Or it could just be my fault. Lots of things I can't mention in twitter. Why is it that everything the message appear, its all about you!! I need those words too.

Those comforting words....
Do you know??
U don't!

Suju Milestone

我是谁？

其实我不是人，

我只是一架装有水晶球的机器人。

机器人是没有感情的，它也没有资格去喜欢别人。

它永远会在一旁守护着， 直到。。。。。

Sometimes you ask....

Who are you exactly??
Sometimes you are here, sometimes you aren't.
Where are you exactly??
What are you good in?

Uneasy

It's that queer feeling again!

Everything comes crashing down on me, yet I don't have that motivation to deal with them.

Just wanna escape out of this place.

2 more days!

Need a hug badly >.<

Mr. Simple MV Class

Finally, after 10 weeks, we managed to complete the Mr. Simple MV class.

It started with 16 students but only 13 'survivors' were left.

Glad that I fulfilled the promise to myself that I will find time to squeeze in 2 MVs in 2011 :)

Very fun and rowdy class I must say.

Some of them have already figured out most of the steps from youtube and are just joining the class to clean up the steps.

Learning with the super enthu SuJu fans! The spirit was always there.

Compared to the Infinite dance I learnt 8 months back, I felt I have improved in some ways.

(though you can see me rather confused at the formation, which was done like 15 mins before filming -_-)

Nevertheless, contented with what I have achieved.

Next up, Bonamana!

CNY 2012

Happy CNY 2012!

Can't believe my first post of the year happens during this festive season.

I hope the dragon year has started well for everyone, though it begun on a wet note, but as the Chinese always say, water is wealth! Yesh, hopefully everyone around me will gain more wealth, earn more money and achieve a higher "status" soon.

Its actually 330am, and unlike most people, I am reporting for work later.

But I am just too tired to sleep. Sounds weird...

I am actually looking forward to the end of Feb when I would be getting out of this island once again, taking a break from work, finally and definitely making this trip the first of many that I am gonna plan during this year. The big one has yet to come, though I ain't sure how it will turn out as it really requires major planning. We will see...

And I seriously think I really should take a break from this "torturous" life. Sometimes I think being born in the year of Ox is really apt for me because I have been behaving like one since young. I have a stubborn character and I really work as if I do not require any sleep. Nobody is ill-treating me at work, I am the culprit haha. I do have sufficient vacation leave, much more than I really need, just that time passes so fast that sometimes I can't keep track of what's going on around me. Maybe, one of these days when I am so pissed with myself, I would just declare one month of "Me" time, alone in some corner of the world. Nowadays, I do hesitate when people asked if I get that level of happiness in what I do everyday. Why am I hesitating?? Something is wrong somewhere and I need to get to the bottom of it.

Met Alice a few days ago. Old problem was resolved and I gave her a new challenge. She probably thought she wouldn't be seeing me anymore. I hope I am not stuck with her for life, probably not in the current r/s that we share.

So the only different thing I did this CNY was to give out 4 red packets to my immediate elders in the family. Perhaps I felt I am more financially stable this year, perhaps I feel happier giving out "bonuses" to my loved ones. Anyway, CNY was never a period of "Income Opportunity", if you get what I mean.

2012 is the year of travelling, but of course keeping a tight budget and saving whenever I can. Winnie once told me she was a tough companion to travel with. I think I am not much better as I do have weird habits and expectations when I am out there in a foreign world. At least she has Milene. I have none! Or shall I say I do change my group of companions frequently, just felt that it was good to know more in-depth about people who you are friends with.

Last dance MV class this saturday. Oh no I am dead meat!

Tata!