It was down to 84 days a couple of months ago...too many things have happened since then, or perhaps I was too busy to even notice, and when it suddenly popped in my mind today, the paranoid feeling resurfaced. Time is really a scary thing. Once u lose track of it, you never know how much u have lost. I am pretty clear now, rather sober, because I understand what lies infront of me. I have taken all the risk I could all these while, if not I wouldnt have been blogging now. Facing up to reality, its silent battle I chose to fight long ago even tho I had already knew the results.
I looked at my past tweets.....
Now I ain't sure why I tweeted those remarks.
Rather ashamed at my selfish thoughts.
But I guess I did learn something recently. People are hard to understand. You shouldnt always assume u have the ability to fully understand a person. Its weird! You don't even understand your own feelings, what for trying your very best to understand others. Worse still! You meet a dead-end eventually and thats when you find yourself trapped in that dark dark world, its like a ring of fire surrounding you, u just have to resign to fate.
There were times too when I heard sad ballets; and my imagination turned dark and somber. There were certain times when my mind floated to a scene, as a spirit, watching my own funeral. Sadness flowed all over, looking over group of friends weeping, consoling each other and my love wailing all over, looking at my casket. And then I told myself to snap out of it.
I shall keep myself at home later and clean up my room.
Sometimes I am amazed that I can still accomplish certain 'mission' when i am unhappy. But thats me and my queer habit. I just want to keep my mind occupied.
I am a truthful person.
Alright, I tend to over-react and at times, leaving the person without much free personal time. I just tend to be seeking too much attention than usual when I'm reacting to my emotions.
Perhaps thats my weakness in my life.
I really tried my BEST for that last one.
But I havn't heard anything....
Nothing at all.....
I ain't disappointed; just hope everything can fall into their right place. Can they?